Carrie on

It’s one of those (THOSE) days. I’m ready for bed, and we haven’t even eaten dinner yet. If it were just me, I’d skip it. It isn’t just me, so dinner’s in the oven. Sounds are louder than usual and seem to reverberate inside my skull. The pollen count is exponential even though it’s only February. The kids are bouncin’ and fussin’ like ‘possums in a live trap, and I have a headache. Really, everyone’s talking at once except for me, because I don’t feel like talking. I don’t feel like listening either, but it’s my job so I grin and grit, my teeth. That only sounds harsh if you don’t have your own children, or if you have one child but not two, or if you have more than one child but a living room bigger than a toll booth. In truth, our living room is a fine size for a family of four, but not when the sound is bigger than the space it can fill….Lord, help me Jesus.

“All we are, we are.” Matt Nathanson Internal conflict: a struggle inside one’s self involving thoughts, feelings, or emotions. Or all of the above. External conflict: a struggle between one and an outside force. So what is it if you feel at conflict with the world itself? Exhale. That’s hyperbole. I don’t know the whole world, and some people actually like me, so that statement isn’t actually true at all, but feelings don’t care much about truth, do they? Sometimes my feelings feel separate from me. Separate from my mind, my rational mind. My mind that is driven by something even deeper than rational thought…my intrinsic mind—my subconscious primeval self that says, “You will ensure that your young survive. You will supply food, shelter, security. You will bare your teeth to protect your children. To protect your family.” These parts, the inside or outside of my conscious self, the motherfighterwarriorproviderstandupandbiteorscreamifyoumust and the loveexplodeserruptsseep